What is There to Lose?
by Danko Kaji
Summary: Earth is merely but Gods' playground. Whatever happens can happen out of God's good graces and pure boredom. Even if it means transforming a sixteen year old boy into a woman. Yes, Riku is definitely living his life in hell. SoraxRiku, AU
1. Chapter One Female Problematics

I had such random inspiration at Friday while I was trying to work more on chapter twelve for my other story. And I dared to read some fanfics between Riku and Sora as a pairing. Some, I hate to admit, are pretty good. But it disappoints me that Sora acts a little _too_ girly in some stories.

And I honestly think that Sora fits into the relationship as a girl. However, Riku always looked like a female to me. So I was thinking, "Why don't I write this random fic where Riku, without no reason, gets transformed into a girl?" I was cracking up when I kept thinking about it. And here it is.

If you like where this first chapter is going, since it starts out, I'll write a few more and you can review if you want for me to continue.

And don't worry, my readers who've read my other story. I'll update... soon. The climax is not exactly easy to write. And I'm frustrated that the first chapters are still imperfect. After I finish the fifteenth chapter to end the first arc, I'll go back and edit some more. Blah blah blah...

I bet you want to read now. I'll stop talkin and just put up the disclaimer.

**Disclaimer- I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or Sora and Riku, and their sex genders. And this is why they call such stories with disclaimer to be fanfics. Because the original of the characters and their story is not ours.**

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Chapter One- Female Problematics

"_Man is defined as a human being and a woman as a female- whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male." -Simone de Beauvoir_

"Ooohh, I hate my time of the month!" Selphie complained. More like whined in my opinion.

"Do you have to announce your female problem to the whole world?" I drawled, inwardly disgusted that she mentioned _her business_.

"You don't understand how painful it is to experience it _every single month_ for_ one whole week_!!" I sighed in exasperation.

"Why are you complaining to me? Wouldn't Kairi benefit more from your whining? She _is_ a girl that could relate to you." How did we come to this point of the conversation in the first place? That's my question.

We were just finished with school for the day, and I reluctantly obliged for Selphie to walk with me back home. Well, to say it in better words, her house is in the same path as mine, and I live farther down.

Unfortunately, Sora lives in the opposite side of this town from me and Kairi had to stick after school because Tidus got her in detention. Just imagine the now tanned and tall boy flirting with my dear female friend, who reacted with an insulted punch to his face.

Tidus's dear crush just gave him a knuckle sandwich from yours truly, because Kairi struck him before I could, and that made me smirk in approval. I think that's why I liked Kairi as my crush when I was fourteen. She was always feisty by nature. But now I matured in age since I'm sixteen now. And Selphie is not really consoling my lonely life right now.

Let's hope we can reach her house soon so I can get rid of her.

"If only you knew. Why don't you acknowledge that a pretty lady like me is under such horrible stress?" she huffed, crossing her arms while I smirked lazily. I'm so used to her incessant babbling that it's beginning to get tiring.

"Because you _aren't_ a lady, and your female problem is _not_ stress. You just lose blood, that's all." How complicated is a woman's period, anyway? It can't be that bad. Well, I'm a guy, so I wouldn't know.

"Ugh! I hate you, Riku! You have no feelings for any human being!" Her glazing emerald eyes glared in my direction, and I could've sworn I detected some killer intent in them. Heh, Selphie's too bright (not bright smart) and cheerful and annoying to be murderous…

I think.

I brushed my fingers through my long, silky silver hair, trying to ignore the squelching feeling in my stomach. Maybe Selphie has a separate personality and she might possess a mind of a molesting assassin. I twitched. Damn my imagination. I should stop watching thriller and horror movies.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! Helloo--!" Selphie was practically waving her hand vigorously in my face and I smacked it away in irritation. I'm not a retarded deaf person! I was just… out of it today.

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." I waved her off absently, because her voice can drone on for so long I might fall asleep. That's a comforting thought.

"Well, girls suffer from more than just a period." For girls, their period is serious business, which they rarely confess to anyone, especially boys so they can spare the bloody visual. However, Selphie is the only known female in existence who doesn't even mind declaring it to the whole universe. "Girls, like me, strive to get a boyfriend, and when you are a girl, you have to worry about how you look; such as if your hair is ruffled or maybe you look ugly wearing a ponytail or if you didn't add enough makeup or your orange tank top doesn't even match your green miniskirt—."

"What girl would want to wear a miniskirt, and I know a tank top is just an understatement." You should see the girls who (I am amazed to say) look like strippers or dare I say it… sluts? I am disgusted to go further into details.

"A girl who wants to look good."

"Kairi looks good enough and she doesn't wear that stuff."

"That's what you think." Oh God, she's giving me that twisted evil/mischievous smirk/grin. Only Selphie is capable of that kind of double face and it's usually reserved for when she has something planned in her head. Kairi, forgive me if I crossed the line. While I briefly shuddered from my regretful thoughts, someone was poking my arm.

"Earth to Riku." She is giggling. What's so funny?

"What?" I snapped. Damn, she's getting more annoying as they come. Selphie frowned in frustration.

"What's wrong with you? No need to be so angry, I just wanted to tell you something."

"Something? _Another problem?_ The hell is wrong with you? How many freakin' problems do you have!" Uh oh, I'm about to burst. It was bound to happen soon. And it doesn't help that I'm too tired to tolerate this girl. Annoying yellow dress… Those still fit her? She's fifteen, isn't she? "Don't you even notice how freakin' annoying you are?!" I shouted in disbelief. Man, this girl is dense. "It surprises me how much I can take from you talking so much! Can't you fu—."

I immediately paused, covering my mouth so I can prevent that word from escaping my lips. It was that look she gave me that made me stop. Why does she have to look at me with those eyes that were glistening from hurt?

It was tensely quiet, and I didn't dare open my mouth until I was sure to calm down. Talk about your daily vexation. And yes, Selphie is my official daily vexation of my life. Before I could utter a grudging apology, Selphie surprised me with her blaring voice.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!!" I practically shrunk when she painfully jabbed her skinny finger on my chest. Damn, that would leave a bruise.

"Excuse me?"

"DON'T YOU _EXCUSE ME, _BUSTER!!" Is she mocking me? What the hell is her problem? From the extreme volume of her powerful lungs, spit was flying out of her huge mouth.

"I AM A NORMAL AVERAGE TEENAGER EXPERIENCING A FEMALE DILEMMA, SO I DON'T NEED YOU BALK TALKING TO ME!! I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AS IT IS, SO STOP PARADING ON MY SENSITIVE EMOTIONS!!!!"

The next thing I knew, she fled to her safe security of her house (which I didn't even notice we reached), leaving behind a flood of tears in her wake. I feel sorry for her parents who had to raise such a troublesome child. I grimaced when I wiped off Selphie's saliva from my smooth face. The first thing I do when I reach home, take a half an hour shower. Hey, that rhymed.

"Say it, not spray it…" I grumbled, proceeding to walk back to my house.

I had only walked for another ten minutes of my precious life, and my eyes were beginning to refuse to stay open. To prove my point of being 'out of it,' I almost tripped when my shoe hit a conspicuous crack on the sidewalk that I did not even see. And I wiped my forehead from the heat of the spring sun seeing as my pace began to slow. Why is it so hot…?

"Riku!"

"Huh?" From the call of my name, I stood straight and turned around to notice Sora speeding in my direction. It's good to know my skinny friend is exercising by riding a bicycle to my house. Unfortunately, my house is still 20 minutes away by walking. Maybe Sora can give me a lift.

"What's up?" he greeted with his trademark smile as soon as he reached me.

I smiled small. "The sky." His eyes glowed with a cheerful sparkle, unlike Selphie's bouncing eyes that seem to annoy you. _His_ eyes remind me of the sky.

He merely grinned. "Riku, the only time you act literal is when you're either tired, lazy, and/or drunk like that time your dad offered you alcohol when you turned sixteen. And really, you could not take a joke from someone who said that your white hair was a sign of extreme aging."

"Well, my uncle had it coming." I smirked, remembering vaguely being berserk and attempting to maim my uncle with a broken beer bottle that I had devoured empty. "I don't have cancer and I'm not getting anywhere near old. I'm only that handsomely young." I can tell Sora was holding in his fits of laughter from my comment.

"Yeah, yeah, keep talking, Riku. You're not handsome." My eyebrow twitched. I forced a haughty smirk.

"Excuse me?" Sora had to balance his legs on the cement so he wouldn't fall off the bike while he wiped a tear from his eye.

"Even though you have muscle, and you dress like a dude, and you act like the best friend I know and love," he paused, trying to calm his giggles while he didn't notice me tense from the word 'love,' "You look like a girl with that long hair of yours." Okay, that's crossing the line. No one, and I mean no one, not even Sora, puts me down because of my hair.

"It's no big deal for a guy to have long hair." I bit back my annoyance when he chuckled naively.

"_Sure_ it is."

"Yes, it is. And the last time I checked, I was the guy with the long hair who girls deemed as 'hot,' 'sexy,' and 'handsome.'" I smirked when Sora flushed from embarrassment. He can't earn a girlfriend even if it costed Kairi's life. That's how pitiful he is, but I'm not sure if Sora still likes her.

"Most guys have short hair, and they look nice. But just because you're the cool and mature type doesn't mean you're the _only _one who can have a girl." I scoffed, smirking wider. Did he even notice he made no sense?

"Whatever." I shrugged, and his face was marred with feeble anger. Hah, Sora is not capable of expressing such deep anger or hatred. That's my job. He's too nice and carefree for his own good. "Anyway, care to give me a ride back to my house? Since you're here and all…" I trailed off because I didn't need to explain myself even further.

"Okay, hop on." With Sora back on the chipper mood, I smiled gratefully, not possessing the energy to walk the rest of the way. I climbed on his red bike and placed my feet on either side of the wheels, so Sora could have his space on the seat to ride. Placing my calloused hands on his shoulders to keep balance, Sora took off.

Thank God, Sora's not crazy and highly energetic when it comes to having the need for speed. Maybe not God. Thank Sora's parents for giving birth to such a tolerant and carefree best friend. I would say it was destiny, but I'm not one for dramatics and angst.

The rushing wind streamed against us as Sora turned down a block, my long hair whipping behind me like a flag. The wind and the great speed feels cool and refreshing. I can see a smile tugging at Sora's lips from such a light feeling. This might sound utterly corny, but it feels like we're flying.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling; feeling reassured that Sora was my comfort, my balance. Literally, he is my balance. Without him, I would've fallen off and broke open my skull, my brain meat splattering across the ground. That's too gross a detail for such young readers.

Before I knew it, Sora slowed down, and stopped in front of my front yard. He got off first without waiting for me to jump down, and I almost stumbled on the green grass if I hadn't latched onto Sora's shoulders in time. Geez, from such a light, blissful experience, my legs feel weightless. Besides, I was momentarily drowsy because of my 'out of it' state. I need to sleep…

"Riku, you can let go of me now." Sora's voice brought me back out of my sleeping mode and I smiled wistfully. Just to tease the boy, I hugged his shoulders, breathing in his airy scent because of the bicycle riding. I felt him tense.

"Hey, Sora, do you know that you feel so snuggly?" I inquired. The smirk wouldn't even leave my face when I felt his face heat up. Aw, cute, he's embarrassed. "I wonder how you smell like…." Sora's body went rigid when I leaned closer, and I lost all sense of thought.

Without bothering to hold my body weight up, Sora stumbled on the grass face flat. Geez, I'm too heavy for this skinny pack of meat below me. Something's wrong with my common sense today.

"Riku… Get up." The problem was… I couldn't. I'm practically a crippled person now. I'm too worn out and dizzy. Do I have a fever? When he didn't get a response from me, Sora tried to squirm away but I wouldn't budge.

"Riku? Riku! Answer me!"

"I'm not dead, bimbo. I just can't move…" Ugh, my head won't stop pounding and I couldn't even hear the words coming out from Sora's mouth. It's not good that I'm showing weakness in front of my best friend. Have… to… move. Damn, my body refuses. It's practically dead weight.

"…try moving. And I'll drag you back into your house."

"How can you do that when you earned an F in weight training?"

"If you don't appreciate my help, then I won't give it to you." With me lying on top of him, he couldn't cross his arms with a huff.

"Whatever. I'm comfortable in this position anyway." I can picture him pouting, and I sighed. How long till my parents get back…? Maybe six o'clock. They always work the morning shift. Suddenly, Sora squeezed all ounces of his strength to push me aside so he could stand up.

"C'mon, Riku…" Reluctantly, I let Sora take a hold of my arms and he guided me (more like dragged my body) toward the two-story house of mine. It took a lot for Sora to carry my body through my adequate enough house, up the stairs to the second floor, and finally to my neat room. Well, the reason it's neat is because I don't keep much in it compared to Sora's pigsty of a sleeping space. And you'd think by now that Sora would outgrow those bionicle toys.

"Whew…" Sora pushed me on the bed and relieved the ache in his arms. I raised a hand to my forehead, trying to think the pain away. With too much pounding in my head, I didn't have enough bearing to _think_ at all. Great, I was starting to perspire.

"Hey, Riku. Maybe you should sleep off that fever or something."

"How do you know it's a fever?"

"Who said it was, but you look awfully hot." I smirked.

"Why, thank you, Sora." He flushed. Sora slapped my arm playfully, his gloved hand reducing the friction.

"Get over yourself. I didn't mean it like that." I sighed. Maybe he was trying to help.

"Why don't you go down and make some chicken soup or something. If you're so concerned…" Ugh, I regretted saying that sentence the moment it came out of my lips. Sora shot out of the room like a bullet after he flashed me with those sparkling indigo eyes of his. The boy has such a mysterious keen interest for cooking.

It wasn't long before I could hear kitchen appliances banging and clashing clumsily downstairs. Sora couldn't cook for his life. I _must_ be sick if I forgot about that.

"Maybe a shower might calm my nerves…" It only took seconds for me to rid of my grey shirt and strip off my pants and boxers. The next thing I could comprehend, cold, refreshing water hit my face and cascaded down my bare body. I sighed heavily, scrubbing my hair with my favorite shampoo. I always did like the smell of vanilla. Don't know why… such a girly thought.

My body's on autopilot since I can't recall having a towel wrapped around my waist, and I'm glancing at myself in my bedroom mirror. Hmm, I look… pale. Pale? Since when? I leaned in closer and rubbing the drowsiness from my eyes, I caught something.

I… look short. Well, maybe not short short but I'm not as tall as I remembered to be ten minutes ago. My body doesn't even feel as heavy anymore. On the contrary, my chest feels alot heavier…

Wait a second… I patted my chest so as to prove my eyes weren't deceiving me. What… are… those… DOING ON MY CHEST?!?

Okay, my eyes are probably bulging out of its socket when I unwrapped my towel to see… Oh God, I might faint from the revelation. And I'm skinner, too. I look just like a………

"Hey, Riku." Sora better not barge in. "Sorry, man. I think I broke a few things…" Sora's voice chuckled nervously behind my door and I fumed. Wait, what he break this time?

Last week it was my mom's antique dishes when he volunteered to get them for us at dinner. And last year, my dad left his room unlocked, and the reason why I couldn't find Sora was because he was messing with my dad's glass Dalmatian collection, throwing them around like they were plastic toys. And the other month… My mom couldn't even forgive him for losing her wedding ring. Yeah, that's my best friend, Sora, the boy-who-lived-to-lose-and-break-stuff.

"Why you little…" Unmentionable profanity spilled out of my mouth while I stomped toward my door. Slamming the door ajar, I opened my mouth to tell him off.

"What the hell did you do?! No wait, scratch that order, because I don't even _want_ to know what you broke!"

"Geez, I'm sorry! I just—." Sora was frozen in place, ogling at me. What the? Girls, for one, do that all the time. But it disturbs me when Sora is doing that.

"What are you loo—!" Realization slapped me cold hard on the face when I noticed my predicament. My wet towel was strewn halfway across my torso, leaving the rest of my body and, most importantly, chest to be mostly exposed. My eye twitched when I noticed Sora's eyes were fixated on my body lower than they needed to be. "Stop that!" I didn't expect to slap him on impulse and it seemed he was snapped out of his trance.

"Riku? Wh-what happened t-to..." Sora was gaping like a fish out of water. He couldn't comprehend this situation nor can I. And I'm the victim! I, flustered yet speechless, began rubbing my temple to digest the situation.

"Horrifying, I know, isn't it?" Well, the upside is, (if there was any) my fever seemed to have miraculously vanished, and my head finally stopped pounding. The only thing that feels different is my weight and height. And the pair of balloons that are hanging off my chest.

It seemed Sora avoided eye contact from me, flushing like a dark cherry.

"Can you… u-um, p-put some clothes on!" He squeaked that uncomfortable request, and pink tinted my cheeks.

"Yeah, I'll go get some." It happened in a flash where I was practically shoving through my clothes, which most of them were too large for my frame to even fit. Clothes sailed everywhere in my spacious room until I finally shoved a white t-shirt over my head, sliding on the smallest pair of boxers I had, and some baggy pants. I had to use a freakin' belt to keep it where it was supposed to be from falling off my skinny waist.

I glanced at Sora who didn't even move from his spot, some of my large sweaters smothering his still form.

"Dude, don't just stand there, call Kairi or something!" It irked me when he was standing there the whole time, without uttering a single word. If I wasn't so proud and mature, I would've been as shocked as he was, maybe even worse. It wasn't everyday you would randomly transform into a girl!

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lol

I find Riku's situation funny. Anyway, review and comment, if you like.


	2. Chapter Two This Can't Be A Dream

Voila! Finally finished.

This chapter is pretty rocky and random than the last one. And I'm grateful for how many readers I have so far.

Thanks for the review so far, and I have to give credit to my close bud, Tatsumaru Lee who helped me with my stories so far. He's a genius, because he was the one who came up with Sora's pervertedness. XP

Just read and find out what I'm talking about and you won't regret it.

**Disclaimer- I don't own the characters of Kingdom Hearts, so forgive me if they are acting OOC.**

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Chapter Two- This Can't Be a Dream

_"I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body." –Elayne Boosler_

"Back there when you were staring at me, I swear I thought you were gay."

"Wha— what makes you think I am?!"

"Are you?"

"You know I'm not!"

"Then why wouldn't you stop drooling at—."

"Don't even say it!"

"Why not?" I smirked. It's only been half an hour since this whole thing started, and between the confusion of it all, I finally gave up on Sora from recollecting himself, and I phoned Kairi myself, demanding her to come over. Let's just seriously pray that Selphie will not tag along with her. I would never hear the end of it from Selphie and that big loud mouth of hers if she did.

"B-because… I just don't want you to!" It's amusing how Sora is clearly flustered. It's almost too funny.

"Anyway, I'm bored." I simply yawned while I leaned against the kitchen counter, slouching in my chair. What do girls do for a living anyway?

"How are you bored when you just magically transformed into a girl?!" 'Magic?' He treats this new problem as if it came like magic? What gave him the crazy idea that this was a 'magical' miracle? Even though he wasn't saying it, he made it sound like it, at least. And don't think this incident is easy to digest.

For all I know, there might be no cure for this transformation and I'll be stuck as a female for life. I have no idea how my parents will deal with their only precious son being a part of their lives as a girl, and then a woman, and then……… an old lady.

I shuddered only when I knew Sora wasn't looking. Why do I have to be the one with the brain to think so far ahead when it comes to serious matters? I think that's what they call maturity and wisdom or something. Most of the time, I wish I was ignorant and innocent like Sora, because there were so many pornographic videos in my dad's computer that a child's curiosity seriously did damage my brain.

So, I don't need Sora to be my constant doom reminder to realize the situation. For now, I'm trying to act cool. I need to be calm.

"I'm trying to forget, and you're not really helping." I bet Sora feels so giddy that he refused to sit and be still. So instead, he decided to stand while he bored his nervous eyes upon the white wall, his arms crossed over his shirt-clad chest, attempting to cease the nervous twitching of his fingers. What do we do now? If only…

Wait, Sora has finally moved from his spot. And he's approaching me, with those unreadable eyes. What is he planning? To hide the fact I was anxious, I leaned back against my chair until Sora stopped right in front of me. Those sky orbs of his are focused on my own, and he's not saying anything. I'm almost afraid to know what he is thinking.

"Is this really a dream?"

"What?" I'm getting _really_ ticked off right now. Is he stupider than I thought he was? Didn't he just see my new, almost naked body just forty minutes ago to be hard enough proof?

"If this really is a dream, then I can do this." Before I could comprehend what he meant, Sora suddenly reached out to grasp one of my newly acquired boobs. What the bleepin' hell!? Maybe he isn't as innocent as I thought he was. I hate it when I'm wrong.

"…heh, heh, eh eh hehe…" Sora's perverted chuckles ringed in my ears and he sounded like as if he was caught in a dreamy trance. Well, if I knew how to do deal with this type of sexual harassment, I could've done something or at least pulverized him for touching me in an inappropriate area. But for some reason, my new body's alertness was sinking, as I began to feel this extremely odd yet pleasurable stir arouse in my conscious awareness.

It was suddenly hard to breathe when I averted my eyes away from Sora's hand squeezing one of my breasts to take note of his now crimson face. What is he doing to me? My body's refusing to respond and for the first time in my life, I am frozen, defenseless under whatever power Sora has under me.

If I can concentrate hard enough, I can close my eyes and picture everything that went normally before this whole gender thing started. I could've reached home in time and buried my perfect face into the sweet and pure delicacy of what I have deemed vanilla ice cream. Chocolate chip ruins the white vanilla with its crunchy and dark taste; Cookies and cream is just too sweet with its evil cookiness; and sherbet ice cream is too fruity. Reminds me of Selphie, Wakka, Kairi and Tidus. Their cheerfulness is starting to grow annoying. Whereas Sora…

Wait a sec,' I'm going off topic. Shame on me for thinking of a cold treat while I'm suspended against my will in this very hot kitchen.

The doorbell rang.

"Finally!" The spell broke to where I harshly pushed Sora aside and I practically bounded out of my chair to fly toward the door. It was getting uncomfortable with only Sora knowing the situation AND how he was manhandling me. Okay, maybe 'manhandling' is kinda over exaggerated, but now Kairi is here, and she's a witness, and she can save me. How wrong was I later on…

Besides, since Kairi's a girl, she might give a better (and safer) reaction. Because I was so hasty to get to my simple, oak fashioned door, I almost stumbled in my footing and fumbling with the very annoying doorknob that refused to work for a good couple of prolonging seconds, the door to my front yard was finally thrown open to reveal Kairi.

Simultaneously, my magenta-haired friend squealed in delight and jumped up and hugged me. If you're probably wondering as to why Kairi has performed such a dumb blonde move, it's because we are 'her boys,' in a way of speaking. Unfortunately, the matter doesn't apply to me anymore.

"It's good to see you again, Riku!" Pause. Strange, Kairi is silent. This girl almost talks away as if there was no tomorrow. Well, Selphie is a massive chatter box and that's why both girls are close friends. Kairi then hugs me tighter, her chest coming to press against mine. I hope she doesn't notice.

"…well, it's only been one hour since we saw each other last…" I trailed off eventually since I fear my voice would crack and betray any nervousness that I had tucked away to conceal. And then it was silent again. Man, gotta hate this silence. Suspense is killing me…

"Is it just me or did your chest get bigger, Riku and why are you sweating so much?" I stumble in my thoughts, searching for any possible answer that can satisfy her question. Man, this girl just has to be direct, doesn't she? Seemingly out of nowhere, Sora just popped out and shouted:

"RIKU'S A GIRL!!"

………………… thick silence………………...

I had no idea it was possible that my composed barrier had finally shattered and my ever rising annoyance finally sky rocketed and struck its peak. A punch just COMPLETELY came out of nowhere, (on my part) and definitely connected to Sora's face, sending him flying across my living room to slam brutally against the cream colored wall. His body was in a very pitiful state by the time it dropped in a heavy heap on my coffee table. Man, that's gotta hurt... but who cares? I'm not the one who's acting all perverted on my best friend.

Believing I had knocked him out, though I might also think I decapitated him, I turned toward Kairi in order to reassure her with a forced smile until Sora's voice rang out, yet again.

"Daaaammnn, Riiikkkuuuuu….. Are you on your period?" Sora's voice could only whine out that inquiry when at the very moment, I rapidly turned toward him and started beating the crap out of him, stomping his stomach inside out.

"You sick little pervert!"

"Stop, Riku before you kick me in the— AAHHHHH!" Sora shrieked out in utter agony, which was beautiful music to my ears. "You kicked me in the balls…"

"What in the hell were you thinking, you son of a biscuit!?"

"How am I supposed to know— Hey, quit kicking me!"

"You dumbass. Learn to keep your hands to yourself!"

"It's hard to do that when you're a girl, now is it?!" Don't tell me Sora just said that… about me?!

"I'm your best friend! Of course, you shouldn't do that! It defies the code of all that is right and holy!"

"What co—?!"

I had cut Sora off when I wrestled him to the ground, slamming his stomach against the wooden floor. I sat atop his back and pulled at his leg to hear a very satisfying pop. Sora cried out in pain. I smirked sadistically. Being a masochist has its rewarding points.

"Um, guys…"

"Not now Kairi, we're busy."

"Don't make me hit you, Riku!!"

"That's the most pathetic threat you have ever thrown at me in your entire life. What makes you think I will let you go easy?"

"Get away from me before you make me cry!!!"

"Can you guys please stop?"

"Yes, c'mon Riku. Please!! PLEASE!!! Just listen to her! OW!! YOU KICKED MY HEAD!!!"

"I'll NEVER stop until your mind turns to mush, and then you'll be too stupid to ever think of a perverted thought again. That, I will promise you."

Sora gasped in fear. "You wouldn't…"

I smirked evilly. "I can, and I will."

"DO YOU BOYS EVER SHUT YOUR TRAP?!" I stopped all sign of movement.

"Don't tell me…" In slow motion, I ever so slowly turned around to meet the inevitable, and it happens to be that the inevitable is wearing a very bright, and hideous yellow dress.

"What happened to _you_, Riku? You look as if you had done a blow job!!"

I literally choked. Maybe I did get carried away when I was unleashing my wrath on Sora. My long hair looked extremely disheveled, and I probably looked red from all the anger I have vented out on Sora, causing me to sweat. And my big t-shirt hung clumsily off my shoulders, revealing some bare skin. Yeah, maybe that's why Selphie said that…

"I gotta WHAT?!" I never knew it was possible to feel disgust, shock, and mortification all at one time.

"So…" I completely forgot about Kairi in the middle of this whole chaos. Kairi paused again, and I really don't want to know what she has got to say next. Her luminescent, sapphire eyes gazed thoughtfully upon the ceiling, her finger pressing firmly against her lip. "You're a girl now, right? Those clothes look too big on you, Riku. Maybe we should get you some new ones."

Selphie's face lit up instantly.

"Riku's a girl?! Sweet! Let's take him to the mall!!" Kairi smiled brightly and turned toward Selphie. They seem to be passing on a silent message I can't seem to decipher. I will never understand the female mind.

"Selphie, you just read my mind." Both of my female friends were exchanging looks of diabolical, evil grins that stretched as far as their ears. I slowly try to back away before the danger would be unleashed, but it was too late. They captured me in their grasps and at this very instant, they were in vain from trying to ruthlessly shove me out of my house when I had immediately latched onto the side of the wall in utter desperation.

"Oh God, Jesus help me Lord!!" While I poured all my heart and soul out in my grip on this wall, for I swear I will never let go as long as I live, I just noticed Sora rubbing his head from where I oh, so graciously kicked him. Also, it seemed he recovered from the groin kick I delivered to him. Relief swept over me in a millisecond. "My prayers have just been answered!! Sora, help me! I don't want to die in the hands of amazons!!!"

I never had to plead in my life, because I had most situations under control. But this case was entirely a different story. Sora is the only person around who could possibly help me from this hellhole. But I had my doubts now when he deliberately walked calmly toward my direction, torturing me to wait for him.

He contemplates at my hands and arms clutching the wall for dear life until he leaned in and started peeling off my fingers one by one.

"This little piggy prayed to God… This little piggy's prayers are on hold… This little piggy's prayers have not been answered… This little piggy has gone to play dress up… and this little piggy is going to the mall." Sora had gone as far as sing this little nursery song with a glowing grin radiating off his face. I deadpanned when I realized what is happening. Karma is trully a bitch.

"Damn you…" I gritted through clenched teeth before a madly grinning Selphie and a lunatic smiling Kairi dragged me out of my house. The last thing I saw was Sora waving me goodbye with that innocent smile on his face until we turned down a corner.

* * *

Review and comment. That's all you got to do. Just click that little button on the bottom left corner and say whatever you want about my story. 

And yes, it also applies to you anonymous readers, too.


	3. Chapter Three Shopping

Sorry if I haven't updated for a _loooong_ time, but reading my documents again and finally pulling through the minor writer's block made me finish this chapter. And let me tell you people, this chapter takes the cake and the pie and the cupcake and the muffin. Let's not forget the donut. Anyway... (smiles)

This, right here, is **GOLD.**

That's all I got to say. And here's Tatsumaru Lee with a few words.

**Tatsumaru Lee--**

Okay, thanks for reading this fanfic for my friend, everybody.

Lately, I been having trouble getting onto my account. So, if you really want to speak to me, let my friend here know, and he'll give me the email that you have intended for me. As in, if you want to say yadda yadda yadda to me, just let him know and he'll let me know and I'll answer through his later updates.

And one last thing. Love is developed. It does not begin automatically. So any yaoi fans who want to read the smutty stuff, go away and don't expect it any time soon. We do not do that kind of things. But anyone else, please enjoy this love story as the plot develops.

I. E meaning love. (Kaji- I do not get what he said)

**Disclaimer- We, as in Tatsumaru Lee and I, do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters. So please, forgive us if the characters act too OOC. This chapter was too funny. XD**

* * *

Chapter Three- Shopping

"_Everybody went crazy when I went shopping alone at Harrods the other day. I was like; what the hell? Nothing has changed in my life and nothing is going to and I think that's a choice you make." –Angelina Jolie_

"That damn little prick…" I cursed more profanity under my breath while I trudged ever so grudgingly behind Selphie and Kairi.

By the time I finally gave up, we already ended up in the mall. And it doesn't surprise me I haven't made a break for it, yet. If I _did_ ditch them at one point, Kairi and Selphie would find me (_eventually_) and the scary part is, whatever the punishment will be would be even worse than what they were gonna force me to do before.

Yeah, hard to admit in this complicated situation, but I'm playing the wise cards right now. And it's not much considering I don't have much to save me.

Anyway, I've been following the yapping girls for awhile now. Where are they leading me to anyway?

The two close friends who kept chatting endlessly to each other suddenly stopped, and they both turned around to check if I was still behind them. When they confirmed it, I shot them a stern, questioning look before they grinned immaturely.

"Wait…" A thought finally crossed my mind. If I was dragged here by these broads to modify me into a full-fledged female, wouldn't they need money to buy all this stuff? "Are you guys paying for everything?"

"Pft, what makes you think we will? What are we, rich?" Selphie retorted in a mock sophisticated manner and I snorted at her stupidity. If only she _was_ a princess… the role would suit her perfectly. And in the matter of money… I chuckled evilly while I shook Sora's wallet in my hand. While the wimp is beaten up, always make a grab for his wallet.

Kairi grimaced at my action.

"Riku, for once, behave like a nice lady."

I snorted again. "You scold me as if I was a female since birth."

"Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku…" Selphie shook her head, repeating my name in a 'tsk, tsk' manner. She grinned before repeating my name again. "Riku, Riku, Riku. Haven't you ever noticed you looked like a girl anyway? The only problem with yourself was that you were born as a dude. What a curse you had to live with."

"What are you talking about? Being a dude is awesome! You get to play dirty, wear all the baggy clothes you want, and eat all the cream and banana poptarts you can eat with the excuse 'I'm a growing man.'" Kairi and Selphie frowned in disappointment from my reaction. I can bet you they pity me for being so brainwashed and lost.

"Kairi, it might be too late to save him," Selphie said, shaking her head in defeat.

"Don't give up, Selph. He's still sixteen. We have two years in high school left to change him whether he likes it or not." Kairi gave her a grin of self-righteousness. Does she really believe she is doing good in the world?

"You really think we can change… that?" Selphie timidly pointed at my direction when I began frightening them with one of my famous 'Riku glares.' "He's practically a fierce and stubborn tiger!"

"In time, he will be tamed."

Okay, now I'm getting scared. I've never seen this side of Kairi before. So determined, and confident, and serious. Makes me want to flee in the face of a lioness that is hungry for food.

"Why don't we start at Victoria's Secret?" Selphie suggested. I immediately deadpanned.

"Yaayyy!" Kairi squealed in delight. Somehow, for some reason, I feel dread for the impending doom that is upon me. I ask God for one last request: kill me now.

"Oh no…" Before I had a say in anything, the girls dragged me off again.

Seconds later, I find myself in the middle of Victoria's gigantic store, staring at a pair of cute black panties. Wait, did I just think cute? Did I just say panties?! I look to my left and right, being overwhelmed by the evil color pink of the store. Without realizing it, I dropped onto my knees and screamed out:

"NOOOOOOO!!"

I panted heavily, seeing as every customer in this store, which were all females and a gay dude, all stared at me.

"Riku. This is not hell. Live with it."

I have an unnerving feeling that this wasn't hell, but something much worse. Hell is practically a haven of my misery.

"Why are we being so religious lately?" I inquired to Kairi in the middle of my agony.

"I don't know why Riku, but it looks to me like God doesn't want to bother with you right now."

I sighed, seeing as I have no power to get me out of this mess. While Kairi turned to Selphie who was awing at a pair of thongs, for I swear I can't picture her wearing those or why she would want to wear those in the first place, I turned to my left. At this second, my jaw dropped.

Beyond the exit of this store, I see a white glimmering light. The light made me feel warm inside and I had a desire to walk toward it. Then, my head flashed on a few words over and over: head to the light.

"What do you think of these…?"

"No, too small, and frilly."

I ignored the girls behind me while I rose to my feet, walking steadily toward the source of the light. As I step closer, the vague exterior of a store appears before me and I see words flashing in bright colors, outlining the sign 'Dirty Hairy Weapons Emporium.'

My mouth began to drool, and my eyes bulged at the wondrous and holy sight. Shelves among shelves of rifles, shotguns, pistols, mines, knives, katanas, helmets, and armor were tiered neatly in rows. I barely even noticed the blaring speaker phone that announced 'schu mines still in aisle seven. Schu mines still in aisle seven. Also, please check out our half-priced rocket launchers in aisle three. Buy two keyblades and get one free.'

When I stepped into the store, a target range for testing out the weapons situated at my right. And there were mostly men, even seven year olds who were aiming with the AK-47, AR-74 at practice dummies, and a young kid was actually slicing a hello kitty doll in shreds with a curved blade.

I think I have ventured upon something even more divine than heaven. This place is stocked and crawling with beautiful, majestically powerful weapon arsenals.

Oh wow. I simply was amazed. This store was a dream for all true men out there.

Suddenly, the nightmarish people came back and tromped into my heaven. And I ask myself a few couple questions. Just one: why? Why? Why does this happen to me?

"Riikkuuu!!" Selphie whined. I grunted. How did they find me? I thought girls like them could never set foot in a dangerous place like this. Especially with Hello Kitties being chopped up. Kairi would tear up just by the sound of the dolly flesh being ripped apart.

"Why did you run off like that, Riku? We're supposed to be upgrading you." I shivered in disgust by the way Kairi had said that. It's as if she treated my earlier form to be something low and repulsive. If that's how she wanted it, I would rather give it to her at full force, Riku style. Just to make sure if anything turned to worse, I leaned against a shelf and grabbed a round item.

And I responded with a curse. "Leave me the hell alone and back off. I'm armed!!" I pulled out the item in front of me… and I stared at it. When I thought I had grabbed a grenade to throw at them, it was in fact a Hello Kitty doll. Okay, that was my blunder.

"AWWWW!! How cute!!!" Selphie cooed and I growled at my misfortune. And then, an idea sprung up. Kairi then took the chance to step up in the vain attempt to calm me down.

"C'mon, Riku. Stop resisting. One way or another, you have to accept the fact that you are a girl. A full-fledged, blossoming female." As hell I would.

"If you don't withdraw at will, then I will have to resort with plan B. Prepare to say goodbye to Hello Kitty." I hastily snatched a bebe gun off the rack, and aimed it directly at its head. "Back away or the kitty gets it."

"I challenge you to a round of Mortal Kombat!" Kairi declared, pointing her finger at my direction. The fire of raw determination was kindled in her spirit.

"Kairi." I said with a straight face. Sorry, my viewers, but I have to resort in profanity. "What the fuck?"

"Kairi? What are you talking about?" Selphie inquired, staring at her friend in utter complexity. Kairi drew back her finger and started fiddling with it in embarrassment.

"Um… It's something I always wanted to say." It was stupid of me to let my guard down. The moment Selphie noticed, she took advantage of it and tackled me down, pinning me to the ground.

"Kairi! Bring the rope!" I watched in mortification when Kairi snatched a long piece of rope from the wall. This was the only moment when I have to say, I hate this store. It surprised me how fast and tight they bind me in these ropes, because I swear I can't move any of my limbs.

Then, they carried me over to the cashier and set me on the counter. For some reason, I feel like an item now, since I am being bought in a bound package. And next, it was humiliation. They had my bottom slide over the scanner multiple times and unfortunately after those multiple times the cashier goes over to the phone and the speakers blare again:

"Price Chic- I mean, price check in cashier seven. I repeat. Price check in cashier seven."

As soon as I heard him say 'price chic,' I wanted to kick his ass. Thirty minutes after grueling and embarrassing checking over my butt, we left the store. And as we're leaving, Kairi says:

"C'mon, Riku. It wasn't that bad."

"Kairi. They LOOKED at my ass for thirty minutes, and I could've sworn one of those cashiers had his hand on my ass. It was that bad."

"But that cashier who had is hand on your butt was pretty cute. I would be flattered." Selphie replied dreamily. I just seriously had to stare at Selphie for what she said.

"Selphie, if you want those pervs to manhandle you and to check your butt out for a price, be my guest."

The next few hours were a blank to me, as I suddenly found myself in the food court known as Burger King sitting in a chair (still wrapped up, might I add) with ten bags under my chair. Four of them labeled Mervyns, two of them labeled women's Foot Locker, two Macey's and another two God knows what else. I sighed in exhaustion, because my neck feels sore.

I was both happy and mad at the same time. I was mad at the fact that I had to go through all those stores dressed up by various girly stuff and let me tell you, those clothes stick too tight to the skin. It's as if the makers were men, who wanted women in the first place to shape their bodies with these pathetic excuses for clothing. But I was happy at the fact that Sora was paying for the expenses, whether he's aware of it or not. You just gotta love stealing your best friend's wallet. Man, karma feels so sweet, too.

Selphie and Kairi just came back from wherever they went and they started asking me those girly little questions I don't even pay attention to.

"Hi Kairi, hi Selphie." I whipped my head in the direction of Sora's voice and my neck popped. That may not sound good, but I hope it takes care of the sore pain my neck. Anyway, I shouldn't be surprised that he works at Burger King considering anything important that Sora can do is bound to fail. He turned toward my direction and grinned mischievously.

"Hey, Riku. How does it feel to shop in the mall?" He laid down the trays full of the food we ordered as I tried to suppress my irritation in a calm manner.

"Eh, it feels okay. It feels even _better_ that you are paying for all this stuff. You're a nice gentleman." I couldn't help but laugh when Sora was frantically searching through his pants for his missing, but now empty wallet.

"Riku, how did you get my wallet?" He inquired with wide eyes.

"Gee, remember that beautiful memory when I was beating the crap out of you earlier today? Well, it was a given that I took your wallet. Call it reimbursement. Reimbursement for letting me get dragged away by these two harpies."

Before Sora had a chance to retort, _another_ speakerphone blared within the food court, announcing:

"Sora, your employment has officially been terminated as of today. And your weekly check shall also be terminated, so please do not expect it and come crying to us to have your job back. Oh, and one more thing. Sora, please turn in your uniform and no, you can not keep the hat."

I couldn't help but stare at the funky and lame hat that was pushed against his spiky hair, which seems to like defying gravity. Why would he want to keep the hat at all? And I watched as my best friend trudged away in grief in losing his job and uniform. I felt sorry for Sora since even _I_ thought he was capable of keeping his job at Burger King. Damn, I lost ten bucks on the bet now. I should learn to avoid Tidus at gambling.

Minutes later, my best friend comes back, minus the uniform and dorky hat, and sits right beside me. Wallowing at what looks like his misery, he munches on a French fry. Which reminds me, I'm hungry, too. Even though that fish sandwich those girls got me is a pathetic excuse for lady meat, I am just too Goddamn hungry.

Sora, who noticed my predicament caught within ropes, suddenly turned toward the girls who were actually chatting a lot more than what they were eating. That was a poor way of wasting food and I no longer wondered how girls could be so skinny. Like I said, they talk more than they eat.

"Whoa, Selph! Look at that humungous piece of dirt on your face. My mistake, it's actually a huge zit." Selphie shrieked in terror, and because she was so frantic, Kairi couldn't tell if the girl had a zit or not. Sora cleared his voice for what actually took the cake. "This just in. Mt. Zitmore has officially been declared the tallest mountain on the world. Let's just hope the white peak does not explode on us and disgust the world. Now back to you, Riku."

Speechless at what Sora had declared in a reporter-like voice, which I have to admit was pretty authentic, I knew what was coming next, unfortunately. A swift roundhouse kick struck Sora on the top of the head; launching him to fly toward me and having us topple unceremoniously across the floor. I see a brief glimpse of Selphie running away crying with Kairi close behind.

"Riku?"

"Yes?"

"I got kicked in the head again."

"Yeah, I saw that. Very observant of you," I remarked sarcastically. I'm not the least bit happy about our position.

"Riku, how many times am I gonna be kicked in the head again?"

"As many times as it takes for you to learn not to insult people."

Suddenly, I felt a loss of weight disappear on me when Sora stood up and stared at the direction Kairi and Selphie left. "Finally, they're gone." Before I could comprehend what he said, the ropes that fastened my wrists are suddenly loosened along with the ropes that held my limbs.

"Hurry up, Riku! We should get going before they come back. And grab the bags, too. They're yours after all." The next thing I knew, we found ourselves running through and through this immense structure before we came upon the parking lot.

And as we're exiting the front doors, I just had to ask:

"First, you screwed me over, Sora and now you're helping me?" It was something that confused me this whole time, and it puzzled me that Sora turned around to give me his quirky smile. "Why?"

"Silly, that's what best friends are for."

My face was white-hot, and before I could deduce anything else, Sora fixed me an inquisitive look.

"Riku, are you blushing?"

"…"

* * *

Ah, the end of the chapter. I like it. And it was Tatsu's idea.

Just review and comment,

and Tatsu Lee bids adieu with the words, 'Have a nice day.'


	4. Ch 4 Perversity was Meant for Reality

Danko Kaji- Hello everybody. Chapter four is finally here and it's stock-filled with more randomness! Hoorah!! **(Throws arms in the air**)

Tatsumaru Lee- Welcome to the first installment of our talk show for the story. **(Fireworks explode in the background and he sits into his comfy chair. He also tips his Kung Lao hat as he begins to speak)**

Hello everyone. As you know, I'm Tatsu Lee, Kaji's close friend/buddy/brother/awsome/awesomeness/I ran out of things to say. Oh, and this is Danko, the writer. **(Points his thumb at me)** You get my drift.

Danko Kaji- Dude, you're not giving me enough credit!

Tatsumaru Lee- Geez, you're just like that J.K. Rowling person. You always demand credit. **(Cough, cough) **I win in arguments like this all the time.

Dank Kaji- Whatever. Let's just get back on topic.

Tatsumaru Lee- Wait, there was a topic? Why am I always the last one to know these things? **(Anime crying)**

Danko Kaji- Shaddup. Now the first question of the day is... **(Drum roll)**

1) What's the deal with the rabid Riku and banana poptarts?

Tatsumaru Lee- As you have seen Riku in previous chapters, he reacted to the mention of banana poptarts in a homicidal way, don't you think?

Of course, poptarts are Gods meant to be eaten. They are evil in substance.

Danko Kaji- That's because they do not exist, dumbo. It's only that tasty to you and Chaser Luminai because it's all in your _imagination_. Get back to reality, will ya?

Tatsumaru Lee- I'm so not digging this casting. It sucks.

Danko Kaji- But you're the one who's idea was to host a cast for talk shows and junk. Why are you complaining?

Tatsumaru Lee- You know what, this casting sucks and you're all fired! **(He's under the delusion he's firing the cast)**

Danko Kaji- We're the only cast here, stupid.

Tatsu- What about Chase? Even though he's not here doesn't mean he isn't cast.

Kaji- You'll never fire him because he's your best friend. Face it.

Tatsu- Let's get back on topic, please.

Kaji- Finally! Next question.

Tatsu- No, it's not a question. The whole chain saw idea and exterminating Sora was my idea, you know. I play Gears of War (GoW) and I'm a huge fan. I'll shoot you all with my little friend. **(Draws a lancer at the audience and proceeds to chain saw his own hosts' table.)**

Kaji- **(Jumps back from the violence) **Damn it, Tatsu. You gone insane!!

Tatsu- **(grin) **Welcome to the club

Kaji- ...That's it. Time for me to pitch in. **(Takes out a metal harisen and whacks Tatsu out cold.)**

And one last note. The Mario Bros. have made their guest appearance and I don't know if it's funny or just pure randomness. **XD **

Tatsu- And the Mario Brothers was my idea... **(groans in pain)**

Danko Kaji- I thought you were supposed to be unconscious!

Tatsu- Oh, and by the way, Danko, did you introduce the name of the school, yet?

Danko Kaji- I'm getting to that.

The school's name is Vidameago High for a reason. It's 'video game' scrambled around. So you can tell other video game characters will guest appear, but I won't tell who.

Tatsu- One last thing before we end this talk show. **(Faces the audience) **I hate you all.

Kaji- **(LOL)** For now, I bid adieu. Have fun with this chapter.

Tatsu- I know I did.

* * *

Chapter 4- Perversity was Meant for Reality

"There seems to be some perverse human characteristic that likes to make easy things difficult." –Warren Buffett

"_Finally, we survived."_

"_Somehow, someway. It's a miracle!" Sora's so enthusiastic, it's too funny. We entered my house, and dropping the bags of clothing I doubt I'm going to wear, I collapsed on my living room couch._

_Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I sighed tiredly in relief anyway. It's a blessing for my body to feel rest. _

"_Girls can be such busy-bodies, man. Who knew they had so much time in their hands to work and make themselves look pretty." I remarked, before adding as an after thought. "Well, some girls' efforts are useless anyway. Half of them don't even look half-decent." I heard Sora plop on one of the armchairs next to the couch, his arms making soft popping noises when he stretched._

"_True that. That's why I never think of getting a girl."_

"_Oh, really?" I inquired in interest. "Please do tell."_

"_Well…" He looked awkward about it, and that motivated me more to press for an answer._

"_Please don't tell me you're gay." I smirked when Sora deadpanned in shock._

"_Riku! What kind of best friend are you?"_

"_A good best friend." I shrugged in my slouched position. "Anyway, doesn't Kairi interest you anymore?" His comical face was replaced with a heavy expression._

"_About that… I don't want to go through the trouble of getting her or any other girl if she is deeply attracted to someone else."_

_I snorted in disbelief. "It sounds as if you given up on Kairi."_

"_I _did_ give up on Kairi."_

"_I thought you were deeply infatuated with her enough to stick with her."_

"_I just think it's hopeless. The guy she likes is a lot better than I ever will be."_

"_Who can stand a chance against you, Sora? Unlike most dudes in this generation, you're kind and cheerful… and encouraging… and…what else…" I paused to exhale a huge yawn before scratching my stomach in thought. Man, I feel tired. "Uh… where was I again?"_

_Sora just stared at me before scratching his cheek._

"_Um… you were listing— no, wait!"_

"_Huh?" Sora was wearing a mischievous grin. I didn't catch it because I gazed at the ceiling, thinking if it's a good idea to close my eyes for a few minutes._

"_You were just proclaiming your love to me."_

"_Yeah, yeah. And then incest will become legal. You know that will never happen." Sora pouted, childishly crossing his arms over his grey shirt._

"_It's never easy to trick you."_

"_I may be out of it—." Again. "—But that doesn't leave me stupid."_

"_Anyway, I don't stand a chance again y— I mean, him." He quickly corrected himself so I couldn't catch it._

"_Okay, not Kairi. What about any other girls?"_

"_Eh…" Sora scratched his head in thought before shrugging. "Nahh. It doesn't look like I'll want anyone else except maybe Kairi, but I don't need a girlfriend if I have you as a best friend, Riku."_

_I feel so touched, if only I had heard him. I dozed off. Noticing the silence, Sora leaned on the armchair to check if I was awake._

"_Riku…?"_

"…_Yeah, yeah… I hear ya…" I mumbled tiredly._

_Sora's gone strangely quiet. I closed my eyes to feel the comfort of sleep nagging at my conscious. It was momentarily silent to the point I dozed off, again. "You kinda look better as a girl, Riku."_

_I barely heard him, but I couldn't respond in my half-asleep mode._

"_Almost like, you were born to look like a girl." Sora seemed so reluctant to voice that out. I guess me being tired makes him feel more open to confess when I have less of a chance to lash out at him or tease him._

"_Riku?" His voice sounds so full and smooth when I'm in the brink of sleeping. It kinda helps my small headache. "Riku." He keeps calling my name and his voice is beginning to drone out._

"_Riku?!" Sora sounds frantic. Unexpectedly, I felt his hands grip my shoulders as I am being harshly shaken awake. Geez, my body feels heavy…and sore. "Riku, are you awake? Are you even alive?! Say something!"_

"_Heh, heh, I'm so tiiirrrreeed…" I heard a yelp from Sora when I rolled over to drop on the carpet. I think I fell on top of him, but I didn't care. My brain is half-dead by this point. _

"_Um…" Sora couldn't say anything at the moment until a simple breeze blew through the open window. I shivered involuntarily. Man, why do girls have to be so cold-blooded?_

_I forgot Sora was even here and I hugged closer what I thought was the couch pillow. I feel warmer already. Is it natural for a pillow to give warmth?_

"_Shouldn't you be getting off me now, Riku? It's kinda embarrassing…"_

"_Why…? I don't feel like it. Nighty night." I chimed as I tried to fall asleep. So exhausted… too many hours shopping... tied too tight in ropes… just want to sleep._

"_I guess I have to do it." Do what?_

_My eyes snapped open and I gasped the moment I felt his fingers tickle my stomach._

"_Ha ha ha— Don't do that!" As an immediate reflex, my arm shot out to aim a punch at his shoulder. However, I missed his shoulder and punched the side of his head._

"_OW! My head! Hey, that hurts!"_

_I growled under my breath seeing as he won't let me have some rest. Sora rubbed his head in a pout as I defensively scooted away from him._

"_You know how I hate it when you do that." I seethed, trying to rub the ticklishness off my stomach. _

"_Well, you wouldn't get off. How else was I supposed to get you up?"_

"_Be a bit more considerate next time. Damn it…" I hate being ticklish. My one and only weakness. Well, except for banana poptarts._

_Suddenly, my phone rang. Both of us immediately quieted, waiting for the phone to stop ringing until the machine picked up a message._

'Riku, honey. This is your parents, so listen up. We wanted to call and check if you are alright– Your father wanted to say hi and that we will be back in a couple of weeks–

"_What!?" I yelled in disbelief. Oh, great. I'm stuck here by myself. Who knows what will happen to me in just two weeks. At least they won't find out I'm a girl anytime soon._

–There's enough food in the fridge so you can pig out and eat whatever you like. And you know where the money is if you want to buy some take-out like Pop-eyes or something–

"_Yay! FOOD!!" Sora bounced in the air while I groaned in misfortune. More problems. You can never stop Sora when he's in the knowledge of free food. Especially when it comes to _my _food. The mortgage bill is nothing compared to the money for food._

–And if you ever get lonely, Riku dearest, you can always rely on your boy, Sora. He's a great kid, so don't kill him, yet. I doubt you'll ever get bored with that idiot causing trouble.

–Wait, Sora is still allowed in the house? I thought you banned him after he broke the big screen TV and destroyed our toaster–

"_Ahh, yes. The toaster. Poor toaster, he never had a chance against Sora." I remarked rather sympathetically. Ever since Sora busted the toaster, we didn't have banana poptarts for five whole days. It felt like five months to me._

"_How was I supposed to know that the pepper jar was technically gunpowder and the– You know what? What were you guys doing with gunpowder in the first place?"_

_Cautiously, I noticed the assassination plan number 51: Terminate Sora document peeking out from under the couch cushion and I immediately stuffed it back in. The last time I remembered its content, the mission tools required aliens, gunpowder, a chain saw, and two disgusting banana chocolate poptarts._

"_Nothing you should know about."_

–And one more thing before I end the call... If Sora breaks one more thing in our house... you can say _estella vista _to your little friend. And that's not a threat, but a promise.'

_Beep. And the message is done. _

"_God, I wish I had my chain saw..." I muttered under my breath without knowing. From time to time, my brain has half the mind to kill Sora and another half mind to protect him against my psycho mother. Noticing Sora's anxious expression, I quirked an eyebrow in question._

"_What is it?"_

"_Riku. Sometimes you really scare me."_

"_I know, but that's why you're my best friend." He's only my best friend because he's stupid enough to trust a weirdo like me._

_Sora's eyes began to water, to my amusement, from his bad luck. I guess he's aware of it, too. He's an idiot. And my mom's out to get him._

"_And just to let you know Sora," I said, "My mom used to be a homicidal patient in a mental hospital. You're _lucky_ that she didn't skin you dry when you lost her wedding ring. Oh, and you're also lucky I didn't maim you to death when you busted the toaster. You should know very well what happens if I am deprived of my banana poptarts for more than 16 hours." _

"_I wonder who you take after more..." Sora replied under his breath, and unfortunately for him, I heard it._

"_Why you little– I'll show you who I take after." If Sora has seen the part of me from my mother's side, he'll get to experience my dad's side, too. I raised my arms out wide and glomped my idiot._

"_My best best buddy!!" I exclaimed jovially. It just seems to appear that I have a random urge to hug my friend from time to time."I'm so glad you're still here! Because you're my favorite moron."_

"_Riku, I think you're high."_

"_You silly, I don't drink soda. It's coffee that hits the spot." _

"_It has been proven. You are high."_

"_You won't survive to tell the tale if I am _really _high."_

_Yeah, that's my excuse. Except, I know Sora will never tell a soul about my overly twisted personality because he knows the price when he spills a secret. Though I think Sora prefers to give hugs than receive them. Especially since I'm always too mature to give hugs, in public anyway. _

"_Anyway, I got you something, Riku." _

"_What is it?" I had to detach myself from Sora so he could fish out something from his pocket. Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, I watched him pull out a... plushie thing. A black cat plushie. I thought black cats were supposed to be unlucky. And I think that answered my enquiry._

"_It's a toy! And I got it for you since you're a girl and I thought you might grow to like these things." He looked so childish with that big grin on his face, and I swore I saw his cheeks turn pink but it just could've been my imagination. _

_And I just stared at the thing in his hands without a word, just wondering if it's wise to accept such a thing. Because Sora is one to like toys, not me._

"_Shouldn't you be giving that to Kairi? She likes these kind of things a lot more than I do." My heart kinda pulled at the mention of her name._

"_Yeah, I know. But she hates cats, and besides. I wanted to give it to you. It reminded me of your mom because of the black hair and yellow eyes."_

_My heart rose with a pleasant feeling and I smiled small. I took his gift and he smiled wider from my acceptance. I wouldn't blame him for thinking that. It's just I rarely accept any gifts. _

"_Thanks. It doesn't look bad. I'll just put it on the night stand so whenever I wake up, I'll see it." I only said this kind of girly thing because I knew Sora would be happier. And it worked. Now he glomped _me _in his own bear hug._

"_I knew you'd like it. I just had this feeling you would."_

"_That's because _you_ gave me the doll. I wouldn't accept it from anyone else." That's why I'm so mistrusting. Don't know how to explain it, but unlike most people, Sora never has an intention behind any of his friendly and random antics. He's a guy with natural flow._

_I guess, I've always needed a friend like him._

"_Hey, Riku."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_You're so comfy."_

"_I know. You always say that when I don't beat you up."_

"_Riku... I have a favor to ask..."_

"_Well? Spit it out."_

"_Can we... stay like this a bit longer?"_

"_Why?" I kinda take back what I said earlier. I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously as he smiled nervously._

"_Uh, you know... because we're best friends and all. We should give each other more hugs."_

"_Actually, guy best friends don't even hug at all."_

"_That's because we're _special _best friends. We're different than those normal lunatics." I only laughed shortly before shaking my head. That's a first. He actually called someone else crazy. He's one to talk._

"_Whatever. You can do what you want."_

"_Yay!" He embraced me closer as I patted his head. Not in an awkward sense. I guess he is just a child. Sora's fifteen years old, yet he needs attention like a child would want. And I'm a person who is too mature and unfriendly as it is. Sora's the type not to mind. He just continues to work to get in my good side._

_I needed a friend like that. Someone who bothers and works to become my best friend._ _That means he actually cares, in his own way._

"_Hey, Sora?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_You're so childish."_

"_I know. You always say that when I hug you."_

"_Sora... I have something I want to say..."_

**BEEP– BEEP– BEEP– BEEP– BEE–**

My arm shot out and punched the alarm clock silent, breaking it from further repair... again. Digging myself out of my bed sheet, my head popped out and I gazed sleepily at the bright light pouring inside my room.

It's morning already? It was just a dream... or a flashback? I definitely don't think it's possible to turn into a girl.

I exhaled a huge yawn before I ran my hand through my slightly tangled hair. I should really start thinking about cutting my hair.

Sitting up from my bed, I brushed off the weird heaviness of my chest as I glanced at the clock. It read 10:45 am.

"OH, SHIT!"

Hastily, I scrambled out of my bed only to fall on my face hard on the ground. Quickly picking myself up, I dashed into the bathroom.

"Damn it..."

Turning on the water faucet, I roughly splashed water in my face. After cleaning my face, I multi-tasked by brushing my teeth one-handed as my other hand was busy combing my hair.

After finishing my business, I rummaged through my closet and picked up the first clean clothes I could find. Which was hard considering I don't bother separating the dirty clothes with the clean ones. I just stuff them all in one place.

As I sprinted down the stairs, I made a beeline to the front door while my mouth spoke incoherent words.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..." I'm late for school. When I shot out of the door, I just remembered that I forgot my backpack and junk up in my room. Then I had to go back.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn..." I muttered as I dashed up the stairs.

Snatching the opened backpack from the floor the moment I entered my room, I stuffed the homework that I didn't finish inside and some spare writing utensils. Since I'm coming way late to school, I can't copy Sora's homework. Believe it or not, the guy is smart when it comes to English.

Where I hate wasting time reading my life away, Sora loves all those fantasy adventures and crap. We contrast each other greatly. Especially since I'm so cynical and Sora won't stop giving me hugs. And I think I asked him one time why he kept giving me hugs and he said, "Because hugs can heal the heart. Or that's what my dad says when my mom won't stop hugging him."

As I sprinted down the stairs, I was distracted by reminiscing how warm Sora felt when he hugged me, and I rammed into the front door. Damn, Sora's a bad omen in the morning.

When I was about to leave, I remembered something all important. My breakfast, the banana poptart. Forget waiting for the three minutes to toast the damn thing, I snatched the box of banana poptarts and just took it with me on the way. It would be a long sprint... since I can't use my bike after Sora and Wakka blew it up with excessive amounts of firecrackers, and I started running on foot.

I only ran half a mile before I got tired and stopped to catch my breath.

What the hell? There's some heavy weight on my chest and I don't have the energy to even run that long. What's wrong with me this morning?

Today's not my day... a weird dream, more than 2 hours late from school, and now this?

"I think now is the time for an energy boost." Without even looking inside, I fished my hand inside for a banana poptart. To my horror, I felt none. The box was empty.

And without realizing it, I fell on my knees and screamed, "Nooooooooo!! Damn you, Sora!! You ate the last of the banana poptart delicacy!!"

And with renewed energy, and bloodlust, I sprinted all the way to school on a mission. On a mission to torture Sora beyond human limits.

He's gonna pay for eating all the banana poptarts. I told him a million times that he should back off from my property, but somehow he always found a way to my banana poptarts, and now there's hell to pay.

—

It took me nearly half an hour, but I finally reached the campus. I don't even see any class cutters lounging around the front yard of the school. Ansem, the headmaster is a devil when it comes to punishment. He doesn't believe in the tradition of detention, no. He psychologically torches them beyond anyone's imagination. More than half the trouble makers ended up in psychiatric wards for head trauma and personality disorders.

Making a beeline to the school doors, I slammed them open and jogged down the corridor. Why is it that my third period is one of the farthest classrooms in this whole entire Goddamn campus?

Unfortunately, I slipped and fell on the tiled floor. What stupid janitor forgot to finish drying up the wet floor?

When I sat up, my eyes looked up to see a friendly brown mustache. A thick, friendly brown mustache.

"Need a hand, bimbette?" the short Italian man inquired with an eccentric accent. I quirked an eyebrow at his weird attire of a red shirt tucked under blue overalls, white gloves, brown shoes and a red cap covering his thick mess of brown hair. Can't forget about the signature M letter on the front of the cap.

"Uh, sure..." His big hands gripped my own and he pulled me up on my feet. Surprisingly, this man was barely three feet. What a shortie. "And my name is not bimbette. It's Riku."

"Oh, how rude of me not to introduce meself. I'm Mario, one of the school janitors." He said, knocking his fist against his chest while winking at me. "And this is my brotha, Luigi." Mario gestured to the green shirt clad guy who resembled him greatly except for three key distinctions.

Luigi is taller than Mario by barely scrapping three and a half feet, he wears a green shirt under blue overalls and a green cap with the letter L etched onto its fabric.

"We're the Mario Brothers!!" They exclaimed in unison.

"Ooookay... Do you guys know the fastest way possible to my classroom?"

"Yes." They answered in unison.

Silence.

I was waiting for them to say something, but they weren't doing anything except stare at me with those big blue eyes.

"Well, aren't you going to tell me?"

"No, we'll show you." They remarked in unison again. Before I could register what they were doing, they both grabbed my shirt and threw me on this wheel cart. "Here we go!"

"Hey, what ar–." Without warning, they both shoved the wheel cart and me in it, and we started speeding down the flooded corridor. I didn't care about the potential danger of my life on this unstable ride, but I knew this: This was fun as hell.

The floor is so slippery, it only made the ride even more dangerous when the wheels started to wrench in different angles. Noticing a fork in the rode, I harshly jerked the cart to turn, gaining speed as I swerved down the corner into another corridor. All the various classrooms zipped pass me as I rapidly sped along until I entered another hall way.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the two brothers, Mario and Luigi, appeared alongside me as they slid fast on their stomachs, and getting all soaked in the process, but they didn't care. Just like me, they were having fun, too.

Although, they looked like penguins sliding like that.

I deadpanned when a student was rolling a big heavy object across the hallway between us and the other side. Determined not to die, I tipped the cart to the side and it scudded along the wall and over the desk. Both Mario Brothers just took a huge leap over it and they landed back down to skate along the water.

"Whoohoo!!" I shouted as the cart slammed back down on the tiled flooring, taking another turn.

"Don't tell me you never done this before." Mario remarked, amused by my ecstatic mood.

"We do this all the time!" Luigi said afterwards.

"Remind me to hang out with you guys more often!" I yelled in delight. I was having too much fun with this. It practically shouted 'I'm a rule breaker!'

Ansem would never let me get away with this, though he gives me more lenience than with any other student. I guess he believes I am a 'unique youth' in his eyes. Whatever floats his boat.

As we slid along, I heard the two clap their hands in unison. Suddenly, a huge rumble shook the school grounds and a green pipe completely came out of nowhere in front of me.

"What is–!" I was cut short when the cart jerked me forward and I fell inside the green pipe. In a matter of moments, I find myself falling through this black space until my fall was broken upon a desk. Coincidently, my fall wasn't the only thing that broke. The desk, (the teacher's desk might I add) was split in half.

"Ugh... they should've told me about that..." I murmured, so the whole class could hear me. Those janitors should work on the system next time. I wounded up in the wrong classroom thanks to their idea of random teleportation.

I rubbed my neck, trying to climb off the broken desk when the teacher gawked at me in suspicion

"Um... May I help you?"

"Don't bother." I snapped. "I was on the way to hell and the pipe just brought me in the wrong place. I'm still alive, unfortunately."

I left everyone gaping as I exited the classroom. "Those crazy janitors..." I mumbled, half-pissed. What else is going to go wrong in my day? It's still morning, for Pete's sake!

I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, and my feet slipped on the wet floor... again. Launching myself on the closest door for balance, it flung open and I stumbled inside.

"G' morning, Riku! You finally made it!" Oh, goodie. It's the right classroom. Only one person would greet me like that. And it's Sora, the idiot.

I forced myself to stand and acknowledge the classroom who were all staring at me. No wait, most of the guys were _ogling_ me. Even Sora's eyes were popping out of its sockets.

And he was blushing. What the hell is he blushing at? And I just had to ask:

"What are you all staring at?"

* * *

Tatsu- **(Rolls in with a wheel chair and he's sitting in it severely injured, but alive) **This is the end of the beginning of the cliffhanger. I hope you enjoyed this chapter for there will be more in the next one. I know I will.

Danko Kaji- Dude, why are you in a freakin' wheel chair?

Tatsu- Well, Danko, it's an interesting story, but I won't waste time telling it to you now. I'll save it for another day.

Danko Kaji- Wait a minute. You stabbed yourself with a lancer, (which I do not know what it is).

Isn't that pitiful for a professional like you? Lol

Tatsu- ...No comment.


End file.
